Christmas is filled with
Mistletoe and holly,
With a plump bearded man
Who's always so jolly.
But, there's one part of Christmas
I just cannot take --
I always do manage
To receive a fruitcake.
It's gummy and gooey
And candied and jellied.
It creates a war zone
When it's inside my belly.
The fruit's stuck together
With sugar so sweet.
And, don't forget nuts,
But you are what you eat.
One rumor has it
That there are but three
Fruitcakes that exist!
Now, you can see
That no one likes fruitcakes!
We pass them around
Like butter at the table
Or a ball on the ground.
When you look through a book
Ordering Christmas candy,
The fruitcake stands out
Because it isn't so dandy.
They never confirm
Your very worst fear --
Yes, it has a shelf life
Of 100 years!
If you must buy a fruitcake,
Just get me a card!
Don't get me a fruitcake
That's rotten and hard.
So, when you're buying presents,
Please, make no mistake!
Give me some money
And not a fruitcake.