N.B.: This piece was written a a good year ago, when I was bopping back and forth among internet startups, not knowing the meaning of life. I am proud to say that I have settled down as a chemistry professor at Ohlone College for the meantime. How long will this job last? Well, it's passed the 4 month mark, better than a few of my startup jobs. ;) Seriously... I have no idea. The future holds the answer...

Who am I? Holy cow, I've been through two internet startups in the past year. I left research science for a "better life," but the internet world changes fast, and what you think might be better could be gone tomorrow. I am "on sabbatical" from work right now, trying to figure out what it is that "makes my socks go up and down," as a career counselor friend would say.

But what exactly do I live to do? I have come to the crossroads of my life, and don't quite know where I'm headed next. "Two roads diverged in the wood..." I wish my situation were as easy as Robert Frost's; I can easily say that 10 or more roads diverge in the woods of my mind and my future! Oh, to choose between only two...

Life. It just goes to show you that things change. I have changed as a person, and my work environment had changed.

My analytical thinking skills made me certain that, coming out of college with a biology degree, I wanted to do research for a while and become a professor. My 3 year stint in grad school as a PhD student soured that choice to an extent. Then again, right out of college, I was a young chick who had yet to experience "the world" and made my choice based on lack of knowledge.

I learned in college that I like to teach; I did quite a bit of volunteer and paid tutoring. It was a way to teach interesting science concepts while using my acting skills, being challenged to entertain and educate the class at the same time. In fact, my high point of grad school was my teaching assistanceship. Why not become a professor?

Lots of reasons why I don't want to, at this point in my life, which I won't get into -- many of them stemming from the fact that I want a bit more financial independence in my life right now, and I want that more than I want a PhD.

I'm realizing I suppressed a lot of desires in college. OK, get your mind out of the gutter. :) No, my psycho-nazi work ethic overshadowed too many opportunities to have fun. I was involved in music throughout my whole life, until I transfered to UC as a junior. Then... the pressure to be the BEST got the best of me. I had to be the best in my classes, or I wouldn't get anywhere. Big time sink. And... I'd actually auditioned for a few small musical positions, but there were REAL music majors here, not like at junior colleges.. and they got ALL of the slots. Negative self talk: I must not be a good musician.

Now... what do I want to do? I've always admired Bill Nye, the Science Guy, and admittedly would love to have his job. Science education for the masses, science museums, etc etc. But how to tie music into this? Should it remain a hobby, or should I integrate it into my profession?

Questions, questions...