I think I'm honing in on potential colors. I was thinking that something bluish wouldn't quite go with the garden setting, but now that I look at it, I rather like the idea. Friday, I bought one blue and one purple silk flower, and they look quite good together! I don't plan to choose those exact colors, but definitely some variation. It also goes well with the idea of sprigs of lavender as a favor, in a nice silver container (still thinking about the details of that one).

On the music front, I got the demo tape for Nob Hill Salon Orchestra. I'm really happy with the sound and the range that they have, from classical pieces to pop-jazz pieces. But with the instrument limit of 4, Ken (my friend, their agent) wants to cut out the piano, and I really can't bear to do this! I need to ask Marin Art and Garden how stringent they are on this limit, and maybe have a little talk with the town of Ross.

I really feel like I am getting no support in this whole process. Bruce is as helpful as he can be, and goes to relevant appointments and such -- but as for other family, I don't feel that the effort is there. I guess the main reason being that I don't have good "wedding" examples to follow in my family: clearly my mom's wedding was traditional and she had hardly any say in planning, my grandparents decided to get married one weekend and drove up to Reno, my cousins even had a "shotgun" all-of-a-sudden wedding. I really have few examples to follow, and so I find myself flailing a lot. Hopefully the work and brain-frying will pay off...

29Jun2000
ARGH, the caterer! I have no idea what to do. I should hunt down the paperwork again and start talking to the other folks. I called Artie and the gang again today, and ended up leaving a message that we still have not received a menu, the one we had been expecting almost 3 weeks ago per his estimate. I'm pretty disappointed, since his food selection seemed like a good one. What can he do to promise me that our service going forward will not be this bad? Can I still trust him if he keeps on screwing up like this, if he ever gets back to me? Tough call.

On the other hand, the florist I saw yesterday appears to be great! She has a great variety of colors that she likes to use, as well as a great variety of flowers. I just hope she's not too expensive. I'll be waiting on her estimate over the next few weeks. She has a few big events coming up, but in about 2 weeks, she'll be able to go up and look at the center again to get a better idea of our needs. I'm quite excited about this, actually. But need to ask our moms what style of corsage they'd want, and ask if Lisa would like one (Bruce says that she would want one, but something she can't fiddle with too much -- thus a pinned corsage would be good)

The visit to the florist was certainly good for me - since it forced me into a color scheme! Gotta take a look at the fabric store she recommended in San Francisco, so that we can start working on that...

10Jul2000
It's been too long since I've written here - I've spent a lot of time stewing, that's why. I hope to look back on this and laugh after the wedding. Chances are, however, that I will look back and relive the pain, and be glad that it's over. Maybe once all is said and done, I should print out a copy of this and burn it ceremoniously, or something destructive like that. As long as I save a copy for posterity, when I'm 64.

The caterer finally did get back to me. Apparently the first time he sent the menu in the mail, it went... somewhere unknown! He sent another copy, and we got it pretty quickly. I'm now waiting for him to send a copy of a contract, so that we can take a look at that. I need to create a file folder for wedding contracts.

The location is such a hassle! I am SO tired of dealing with them, it's incredible! The overall feeling that I get is that they expect everyone coming through the site wants their wedding to be like every other bride. I have generally found myself gravitating in directions not taken by the "usual" brides, so this has become difficult for me. I am being very careful to point out things that are really important to me (i.e. wedding by the fountain), and they keep trying to talk me out of decisions I'm making to make the wedding uniquely mine. They keep on telling me, "oh, you wouldn't want that." Oh yeah? How do you know?

I finally got to the point of dealing with Elizabeth, the assistant coordinator on site. Of course, she doesn't want to make her boss mad at her, so she defends Susan until the end. But she seems closed to any unique solutions to problems, as well.

We're currently trying to play phone tag with her, to get a time that we can actually talk with her. On one hand, I really don't want to appear difficult to her and not be available at all. On the other hand, I don't want to have to go too far out of my way to adjust to her schedule. This is difficult.

Now, the interesting thing: the voicemail message at her office number identifies it as Elizabeth and Artie's office. In fact, the caterer we've been working with is named Artie, and he lives in San Anselmo. When I talked to Elizabeth on the phone, she spoke of being just down the street from the center. Also, Artie says he's getting married the day after our wedding. The question is, is he getting married to Elizabeth? Hmmm... so by upsetting Elizabeth, have we made Artie mad? I dunno, and I hope not.

Anyway! Met yesterday with Wonderland Designs, the unique invitation people. Their stuff is more expensive, but far better, than when you can buy from traditional invitation vendors. Quite important to me! It seems like it's going to work well, and I need to learn to let go and trust their judgement.

I've decided - only one attendant on each side for the ceremony. The fountain area is narrow, anyway, so it will look quite fitting. And I don't want to have to deal with female friends of mine who are irresponsible in the first place, the ones I've known for 20 years, but don't return my phone calls. That's one stress that I don't need. So - now, I need only worry about getting material and a pattern for Diane's dress. I wasn't all that happy with the fabric store in SF, but that's far from the only place available.

Enough for today - getting tired of sitting at the computer.

21July2000
This has been a very emotional day, and week, for me. Each time I'm in touch with the location, I'm in tears about what they tell me. They actually recommended that we use another site, since they say they have to "share" their facilities with the community. I was hoping that would mean that I could have my little patch of the facility reserved for myself, but it looks like even my little areas won't be roped off. I wish they'd told me this long ago!

I have had one hell of a time finding a location. We wanted a nice little gardeny area, not too close to main roads but fairly reasonable to get to. How few spots have outdoor facilities? And some of the places that are nice restrict their settings to areas closest to the kitchen -- often not their best spot? I can understand the convenience of that, but...

One of the places I really liked was the Mill Rose Inn, a victorian/floral B&B in Half Moon Bay. I could have the whole place to myself and rent out all of their rooms, not to mention the nice garden in the back, etc etc! It felt like a perfect match... so I took Bruce up there on May 7, and we both liked it. We spent a few hours sitting there discussing all of the ins and outs, and we finally decided that we'd take it. Great! We signed the contract, got initial paperwork out of the way... and then, their coordinator found out that she'd screwed up, that the date was already booked. I was HEARTBROKEN! I liked the place pretty well, and I was so happy to have finally chosen a place I liked enough, so that I wouldn't have to look any longer! We got an apologetic phone call from the owner, but we didn't get a gift certificate for dinner that she promised us...

The following weeks were a "let's see all of the places in the Bay Area" marathon. One day, I drove around and looked at 11 locations -- some of them were easy enough to write off with just a glance. There were two that stood out in my mind -- Marin Art and Garden Center in Ross, and Hacienda de las Flores in Moraga. MAAGC is easier access for attendees, so that was one of the winners there... there's also lots of variety on the site -- gazebo lawns, a fountain area, even a restaurant area we can use.

Then I started working with the people, who keep causing me tremendous headaches! Everything we want does not fit their protocol... and we've been fighting for what we want, often using subversive tactics, and then we end up getting a stern lecture. Every single time. I like the place... unfortunately...

We've gone around and around in circles with the folks at this location and relaly can't settle on anything. I wanted to bail on them today, entirely, when it was suggested that we look elsewhere because we can't have the control that we want. (doesn't *every* bride want control? I don't get it...) But... Bruce wants to keep on going, no matter how much we have to steamroller over the folks at the site. For me, working with them will be very uncomfortable if we proceed in this fashion, and I'm the main contact person. I'm the one who intercepts all of the phone calls, and it really sucks to hear "you can't do this or that" and measly me tries to fight back with words. I just cannot work with these people anymore!

It's causing me so much stress to have to deal with these people, and to anticipate what they'll do to us next, that I really don't want to be there anymore. In any case, if we were to bail, they would "win" since they have a deposit from us, and they can rebook our date -- more money for them! I guess he doesn't want them to win. *I* don't want them to win, either. It just really hurts to try to fight them.

25Jul2000
I hear the Hallelujah Chorus pouring from the rooftops...

Finally, some agreement!

We couldn't find an alternate location. So... rather than try to hash things out with MAAGC over the phone, we decided to go up there and meet with them in person, to give them one more chance, to see if this was at all salvageable. And it was!

We met with Elizabeth, assistant coordinator, this time. She has 22 years of wedding planning experience, and it shows. ALL, I mean ALL, of our concerns were wiped away! For instance, there were some cases in which Susan had glossed over working with certain people because they were not willing to "play fair" together, but she left out this part (probably so as not to slander them, but it backfired) and it instead made me feel as though she didn't want to do any work.

Susan is out of town this week, so we ended up meeting with Elizabeth. Luckily, she has a separate phone line and gave us her email address, as well... so the questions that I had to push Susan for over and over and over again may be able to be answered much earlier.

Elizabeth understood where we were coming from on a lot of our requests, whereas Susan just didn't seem to understand why we'd want anything different than "the rest of the brides who come here." It really is a good package that we're getting in the end... and I'm glad I didn't have to put myself through the stress of having to find another location. Oy! How could I have done that?

Anyway... Maybe I should get some of Elizabeth's comments in writing, so that nothing turns sour... but nonetheless, this is a huge issue that is now resolved.

Now, I'm going to call and book Nano the photographer, schedule a tasting with Artie the caterer, and call up a few more folks -- such as the officiant Elizabeth suggested -- so that we can meet with him. Then... I get to think of more details... !!!

But I find it odd that I haven't heard from the florist or invitation people yet... I need to give them another ring.

What I really need to do is create a file in our shell account, or on the web, with a list of the phone numbers of all of the vendors we've seen. That way, I don't always have to run back and get the paper copy... that's actually not a bad idea!

30Jul2000
Now, for the fun stuff: coming up with the little nitty gritty details, and making everything special, *our* way!

I called Nano, the photographer, earlier in the week to tell her that we wanted to sign a contract. ooohhh, how exciting -- this is one vendor I'm really thrilled with. We get a free engagement session at some point, which we're thinking shooting some at the Marin Headlands with the Golden Gate Bridge and SF in the background. We'll probably have to shoot those by mid-October at the latest, basaed on weather. I'll have to aask Nano for clothes suggestions, in case we think of buying anything else...

I also put in a call to the invitations people, who are still working on things. The paper we really wanted is backordered -- glad we looked into this one WAY in advance! -- so they're playing around a bit with what they alredy have, as well as waiting for that paper, whenever it arrives. I can't wait to see the designs they've come up with!

As for other vendors... I've been pretty lazy about that this week. Within the coming week, I'm going to have to call the DJ's on the list, the other suggested florist, call back the first florist I met with (Millefiori), call the recommended minister, and call Artie the caterer back to narrow down a time for tasting appt. Yipe! I have my work cut out for me. And since we'll be out of town (for my birthday!) part of next week, scheduling appts is going to be a bit more difficult.

I've thought of a few independent ideas. We aren't going to have a traditional guest book. We'd like to have, near the ceremony entrance, an easel holding a picture of us with a wide mat around the edge (something I've seen done at Asian weddings, for whatever reason??) for people to sign around the edge of the mat -- this picture can be later replaced by a wedding picture and hung on the wall. That way, we can see our "guest book" all the time! However, I also read something recently about having a "themed" guest book -- different pages with different themes or questions for guests to answer. For instance... what will the couple be doing in 5 years? What will their kids look like? etc etc. OTOH, a more tactile way of doing this would involve folding small pieces of colored paper with similar suggestions and tossing them into a fishbowl, and suggested topics can be written on a small plaque standing next to the bowl. This can be set on the side at the reception... I just think that it would be fun to have these little slips of paper, then unfold them later and mount them in an album.

Anything else that I've thought of... ah, must get music and band info to Elizabeth at Marin Art and Garden! Also, I want to put together tourist information for everyone, the out of town guests. I'd like to make little glassine bags of homemade cookies sealed with a colorful sticker, along with other goodies, in care packages for the out-of-towners. (hmmm, I wonder how many free maps I can get from AAA! ;) I need to start working on the travel information for everyone, not to mention the guest list, and letting the visitors know when to make plans... gotta get in contact with my hotel connection...

31July2000
two days in a row, writing an entry! I'm impressed with myself. ;)

I got on the phone and on the web a lot today. I took the list of six required DJ's for the site, and I sent an emaail to the Bay Area weddings email list to see if anyone had heard anything good or bad... I also went to the web site for the one that *does* have a site, and requested a demo package. The web site looks good for that one DJ, but I want to be sure! I'll be waiting to see if anyone has heard, then I'll be on the phone with those guys.

I tried finding a phone number for the florist that Elizabeth (MAAGC) had recommended -- Carol Antroccoli of An Added Touch -- but I couldn't find it anywhere. I left a message for Elizabeth to see if she could find the phone number.

I also mentioned the composition of the band to Elizabeth -- according to her, it's OK to have quietly amplified keyboard outside (just to provide that component) as long as it's not competing with other amplified instruments. Since the other instruments are cello, violin, viola, and sax -- we're OK, I think! This makes me happy, since the dinner pop/jazz doesn't "work" in my mind without a piano or keyboard.

What else did I do? I called Ray Capper, the highly recommended minister, and left a messge with his wife (I think) to check on date availability. Elizabeth loves this guy, so I'm excited to talk with him.

I also scheduled tasting with Artie the caterer for Friday, August 18. Excited about that one, too!

Ah, yes, and another call went out to Beth at Millefiori, the florist whom I'd met with before, to check on the status of my proposal. she said she's working on it, and that she in fact went to speak with Elizabeth at MAAGC lst week to get an idea of our location. Hopefully she'll come through soon. She had given me a proposal completion date, initially, of a few weeks ago, so I'm glad I'm allowing so much extra time for everything.

Anxiously awaiting working on Diane's MOH dress, so that I can solidify my color scheme a bit more. I think I'll go up to the McClintock outlet to look at their extra rolls of fabric, to see if they have anything I like. Some day this week or next... that way, I can start selecting dresses with my mom, for her! My dress is ready for pickup, too, but I have to schedule a weekday appt with them. DRAT! I'm hoping I can find a time that *someone* can come with me. I don't want to celebrate picking up the dress alone!

9Aug2000
Back from SoCal, where I celebrated my last single birthday at Disneyland! (Bruce's birthday is in April, so he has yet another one before the wedding.) What a fun place to spend a birthday -- and I even get to come back to family and friends wanting to take me out to dinner, still, since they didn't get to spend it with me...

I'm now taking the wedding mindset back off of "hold" so that I can get going again. I'm so anxious to be sure I have everything set well ahead of time -- probably too much. The MAAGC coordinator warned me that since "wedding season" lasts until October, that vendors will have much more time to spend with me after that. However, I'm pretty nervous about being able to have top choice of vendors, so I'm trying to plow ahead... I don't know what to do about this one.

Meanwhile, I'm allowing my brain a little creative stimulation, and thinking about some of the more personal details that don't need to be handled right away. One thing that I'm very glad about, and I didn't realize this until after I'd made this decision, was choosing two neighboring colors on the color wheel as wedding colors (purple and blue). This way, using a gradient of colors rather than a few specifics actually looks quite good! Nothing against cantaloupe and celadon as a combination, but I know I'd feel to perfectionist in finding the *exact* matching shades. But since our colors are next to each other on the color wheel, rather than being complimentary, this allows for much more flexibility around the actual colors. People look at me funny when I say that my colors are a variety of blues and purples, but I think it's quite fitting...

So this lends itself well to a bit more variety of decoration as well. I like the crispness of a white tablecloth with all of the napkins in the same contrasting color, but it's a bit... ordinary for my tastes. With our color variety, I think I'm going to choose 2-4 colors of napkins in the blue/purple realm, and distribute them randomly (no patterns allowed!) among the tables. It still all coordinates, but is a little more varietal. (I remember MOH Diane did this with different colors of cloth on the favors at her wedding, rather than one.)

While in my writing group meeting last night, we got one tremendous idea -- one of the women in the group got married a bit "later in life" and did things a bit differently than the ordinary wedding... they had a small wedding, too, and there was one thing that they did that I *loved*. Even though there were 8 places at each table, one place setting was left empty at each table. This way, she and her husband could circulate among the tables and eat a different course at each table, which meant they could really afford quality time with the guests (not to mention being able to eat the full meal!). It really confused the caterers to see the bride and groom jumping around, but I still think it's a cool idea. Since I only want to assign *tables* and not *seats*, though, it could be tricky... we'll see how I can work that out.

Another thing that Ann and her husband did -- I think she said that a friend of hers had encouraged folks to just share stories about the couple, songs, poetry, etc. I'd love to do something like this, semi-improv, at some point during the evening. Perhaps we could do it after the dinner and before the dancing? I'll have to ask Elizabeth her opinion, since she's done this for a long time...

And as far as what I've done since I've come back -- didn't do much for a few days, just let the wedding mind veg for a bit. I did put a call into the other florist recommended by Elizabeth. I liked the first florist I saw, but I'd like to at least talk with someone else. I also put calls into a few DJs to start talking with them. I've decided that I really want a DJ who will blend into the background. I want someone who will be a good announcer if need be, but also someone who doesn't mind sharing the spotlight in case a few folks want to grab the mic here and there. And... I want someone who can play anything from GLen Miller/Cole Porter to classic rock and '80's tunes. Looking... just beginning on the DJ search. Ah yes, I've also taken care of band details. For the most part, they are booked. I just have to talk with Ken on details of paying, and making sure everything is set.

Still thinking of favor ideas that feel like they *fit*. The best suggestion I'd heard, from the invitation folks, was to take clear bottles in interesting shapes and fill them with different colors of bath or massage oil (purple and blue). We both like transparent bright colors, so this definitely sounds pretty. But I don't know, it almost feels like it has too much of a '70's feel to it... ???

14Aug2000
Aside from dealing with other family atrocities... the wedding plans march on.

I feel very limited right now. It is the wedding busy season, and this is an extra-busy year, and I'm having a hard time making appointments with people. I had to schedule appointments with florists, cake people, etc, 3-4 weeks in advance, because they didn't have anything free otherwise. Not a big deal, but... I'm hoping that my date doesn't disappear in the process! It's making me really nervous.

I've done a handful of things over the past few days. I made an appt with another florist, An Added Touch, just to get a "second opinion" just in case. That appt is the 29th of this month, in two weeks. I also have a tentative cake appointment for Saturday, September 2nd (which I'd like to move to a weekday, but how to get all this time away from Bruce's work?). I just put in a call to the horse and carriage folks recommended by MAAGC -- I have no clue how early in advance I need to talk to them. I *do* need to call back the minister I'd been talking with, to try to meet with him... I've been really bad about not doing that.

I've been perusing the Martha Stewart web site a lot recently for ideas. I haven't found anything new that's jumping right out at me quite yet.

A big sore spot for me has been DJ's. Of the DJ's I've called, only one of three talks about wanting to meet with me before booking. !!! OF COURSE I want to talk with them before making a commitment to their services! But one company sent me a contract and told me it had to be back within 15 days (deadline is today, incidentally). They're willing to meet and talk with me on a weekday evening, but it sounded like they rarely get asked for face-to-face meetings. Another DJ whom I called sent me a contract, which I picked up in the Saturday mail and have not read yet -- but I haven't met with them, either. The third place, I'll need to call back, since they *do* want to meet with me. For this reason alone, I feel good about that particular company.

I think I'll try to make a Wed night dress appointment, to finally pick up the dress. I need to go out and find the appropriate undergarments to go with the dress, for fittings and such. And I don't have much of an idea for shoes, other than Keds with organza laces (which is my top choice right now). I just need to get that dress safely home!

19Nov2000
An appropriate day to write, since the wedding is 6 months from today -- GASP! Did I say that?

I've been very remiss about writing in this journal. Not entirely out of laziness. (I'll admit to that being partially the case.) But you know... I write all of the wedding details in this journal, for public consumption, and nothing will be a surprise to the guests -- assuming they read this. I dunno. I guess I'll try to be short and to the point without being revealing?

Elizabeth at the Marin Art and Garden Center has been tremendously helpful with all of her contacts and information, and her knowledge about weddings. We met with her a few weeks ago to discuss decoration of the ceremony and reception area. Unfortunately as this is the holiday period, many vendors are too busy to deal with anything until January. They tell me I'll be OK in terms of time, but I do want to move forward to some degree. So many of the folks I've contacted tell me to call them back in January. So -- what else can I do?

I'm still working on favor feasibility. I have a "vision" for a particular type of favor in my head, which I won't divulge at this point. The paper I was wanting, however, doesn't seem to exist. I'm doing my best, and working with the invitation people, to come up with a suitable substitute, if I can't find what I want. I bought something pretty darn close from Flax the other day, but the paper is still in my car. I need to experiment!

Cake tasting. This is generally one of the more fun aspects of wedding planning, and what we've done haas been fun. But we've only tasted cakes at two locations, so far. We haven't gotten our fill of cake! But since we *did* like our first appointment, we may as well sign on with her. It's been difficult to plan on going for these cake tastings, since most have been in Berkeley, SF, or somewhere equally as distant.

I really need to find out more about the origami crane tradition! I've heard it's also a sign of fertility... so I want to avoid *that* one if that's the caase! I just don't know who to consult about that. I also want to use the cranes without being offensive to Bruce's family.

What else? We've pretty much decided to go with Beth from Millefiori as our florist -- clearly the most professional of the batch, and I really like her style. We last met with her at the end of September, and we still haven't seen a new conract. Need to get in touch with her very soon.

Aaaack, there's *so* much left to do! We haven't even started on honeymoon planning. Need to get baack to everything... and I'll try to check in more often.